Holiday Parenting Time: Avoiding A Court Battle During The Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be a time for family, traditions, and making memories. And despite best efforts, sometimes unfortunately navigating holidays can bring stress and conflict—particularly when divorced or separated parents disagree about where the children will spend time for a major holiday or special occasion.

Holiday parenting-time disputes are common, but they do not necessarily have to end up in court. Pearson & Myers wants you to be able to enjoy your holiday season without the added stress and expense of lawyers.

Considerations when creating a parting plan

With advance planning, clear communication, and a well-drafted parenting plan, parents can often resolve holiday disagreements without turning them into a legal battle.

In Colorado, a parenting plan can establish a specific schedule for parenting time, including holidays and school vacations. And if your Parenting Plan is part of a court proceeding, it is required that you follow it.

When drafting a parenting plan, it is helpful to be as specific as possible—especially if parenting time is disagreed to. The Colorado Judicial Branch’s parenting-plan form specifically provides for holiday and special-occasion schedules, including Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, winter break, children’s birthdays, religious events, and other holidays. The schedule can designate parenting time by odd-numbered years, even-numbered years, or every year.

For holidays specifically, consider things such as:

• The exchange time;
• The exchange location;
• Travel time between the locations;
• Weather;
• Phone calls or video calls with the parent not observing parenting time on the holiday; and
• Acknowledgement that the holiday parenting plan will take priority over a normal parenting time schedule

Holiday disagreements can arise for a number of reasons. Some reasons include:

• Confusion about what schedule applies
• Disagreements about details of the holiday exchange such as: the beginning and end of parenting time, and the exchange location
• Seeking extended holiday travel that exceeds the allotted parenting time
• Last minute holiday modifications

Many of these disputes can be addressed without asking a judge to decide the issue.

Tips for Avoiding Holiday Parenting Time Disputes

1. Start Planning Early. Parenting plans can be modified (even if it’s only on a one-time basis) by agreement of the parties—in fact, courts encourage flexibility as it shows positive co-parenting and putting the child’s interests firsts. One of the simplest ways to avoid a holiday parenting-time dispute is to start discussing the holidays well before the holiday season arrives. Rather than waiting until the week before the holiday to discuss modifications to the holiday parenting schedule, consider discussing several weeks or even months in advance about who will have the children, where exchanges will occur, or whether anyone intends to travel. Early communication gives parents time to identify potential conflicts while there is still time to resolve them. Just be sure to distinguish between a one-time occurrence or permanent change.
2. Put Holiday Agreements, and any modifications, in Writing. Even when parents have a good relationship, verbal agreements can create problems, especially with the frenzy of holiday seasons. If there is confusion or a parent forgot, a simple confirmation can prevent may of the miscommunication and perceived hostility. An example message could be:
   “Just confirming that we agreed the children will be with you from December 23 at 10:00 a.m. through December 26 at 5:00 p.m., and I will pick them up at your house at 5:00 p.m. on December 26.”
   Clear communication can eliminate uncertainty before it becomes a dispute.
3. Consider the Children’s Holiday Traditions. Putting the children’s interests first is most important. Holiday parenting-time schedules are not simply about dividing days equally. Parents should also consider the children’s established traditions and relationships. For example, if one side of the family traditionally celebrates Christmas Eve and the other celebrates Christmas Day, a schedule may be structured to allow the children to participate in both traditions. When considering the children’s traditions think about: extended family traditions and where they are located, religious and spiritual observances, and other customary traditions that were observed with family prior to the separation that are still observed. Colorado parenting plans are intended to address the needs and best interests of the children, and a practical schedule can reduce uncertainty for both parents and children.
4. Keep Children Out of the Dispute. One of the most important rules for avoiding holiday conflict is to keep the children out of the dispute. Avoid: asking your children to choose which parent to spend the holiday with, using them as a messenger between you and the other parent, choosing sides in a disagreement, or reporting on what the other parent is doing during holiday parenting time. The holidays should be special for the children focused on positive memories and traditions. Instead, parents should communicate directly with each other or through an agreed communication method.
5. Be reasonable. A reasonable accommodation can sometimes prevent a minor scheduling disagreement from becoming a major conflict.

Sometimes, this is easier said than done. And the attorneys at Pearson & Myers acknowledge that. The goal is to plan and make reasonable efforts to avoid court during the holidays, eliminating emergencies, hostility, and excessive legal fees. A clear parenting plan, early communication, reasonable flexibility, and appropriate use of mediation can help parents spend less time arguing about the holiday schedule and more time allowing their children to enjoy the holidays. The attorneys at Pearson & Myers can help you take holidays into consideration and help you draft a parenting plan if one is not established.

For parents going through divorce or already subject to a Colorado parenting-time order, the holidays are a good reminder that a parenting plan should be practical, detailed, and tailored to the family’s actual circumstances. A well-drafted plan can address not only ordinary weekly schedules, but also the holidays, school breaks, transportation, travel, and the inevitable changes that occur as children grow.

Of course, avoiding court is often a worthwhile goal, but it should not mean ignoring a serious problem or allowing one parent to completely disregard a court order.

If you are facing a holiday parenting-time dispute in Colorado, an experienced family-law attorney at Pearson & Myers can review your existing parenting plan, help you understand your rights and obligations, discuss options for resolving the dispute without unnecessary court involvement, and plan for the future. And, if court becomes necessary, advocate for your interests.